Trombone Fights Depression

After leaving the eighth grade, it was time to move on to something much bigger than I’d ever experienced before. It was time to go on to high school. This would create numerous changes that I’d have to deal with. I would be the youngest student again, making it extremely easy for me to get picked on.

Another huge change was the size of the building I was in and the number of students who were attending. There were a little over two hundred students in grades nine through twelve at Huntington North High School. Huntington only had one high school, and that meant that every student within the HCCSC, or Huntington County Community School Cooperation, all attended the same high school.

High school would end up being full of many exciting and wonderful opportunities for me in the music world; however, once again, the social world would end up being near nonexistent for me. High school was a frustrating time. I was starting to comprehend that there was something wrong with me. The feelings would get much worse as time would go on, but I would guess that between my freshman and sophomore years, I was able to put some pieces together and begin to realize that other kids hated me.

High school provided a much more competitive atmosphere in the music world. I loved this, as I would join groups that competed against other schools. Music became more interesting to me than it ever was before. I decided to join marching band. I made this decision in the eighth grade. I loved marching band and really enjoyed being able to spend a lot of time on the football field, both rehearsing and performing. This was good for me. It would help me get through all of the stress of the daily routine of school itself. School in itself would become one of my least favorite things, as I struggled with the social relationships with peers, and this caused me to do poorly in academics.

High school was a time when I would become nervous about a lot of things and have some anxiety. In the early part of high school, I became very interested in what other people thought about me. I could tell that others didn’t like me, and this bothered me. I was bothered by the fact that I wasn’t like the other students. Basically I could tell that I wasn’t cool and popular and didn’t fit in like they did. They thought I was weird, creepy, psycho, retarded, stupid, fat, ugly, worthless, and pathetic. At least in my mind, I felt that was how they felt about me. I wanted to have friends like they all did and wanted to be included in the activities that they were doing. I was very cautious of being bullied or taken advantage of, but despite this I would still try my best to be included. The rejection hurt, and each time I was rejected I threw myself into the make-believe world and started playing trombone more often.

This was a very depressing time for me. Facing a lot of social isolation it was hard to keep a positive attitude. The only thing that kept my mental health up was playing trombone in band.