Top Songs About Vaginas

Posted in: Musicouching by Randy Pearson on September 2nd, 2009 | 5 Comments

An irreverent essay.

Everybody loves the vagina. You either have one, started life through one, or seek to have intimate knowledge of one. Well, unless you are a gay man born through cesarean section. So where are the songs praising this conduit to life?

Right here, that’s where.

Before the advent of rap and that music’s practitioners’ propensity to bluntly state what they want to do, music had to depend on double entendres to get the point across.  Because lyrics are always better when they are less than direct since they are fun to analyze and pick apart.

Cat Scratch Fever- Ted Nugent

Pretty much all Ted Nugent sang about was getting laid. This song is easy to translate to that part of the anatomy. With lyrics like- “I make a pussy purr with a stroke of my hand”- there is no mistake. What is a mystery is what the fever is and why does he scratch. My guess is crabs.

Wang Dang Sweet Poontang- Ted Nugent

Well, Ted could have a lot of songs on here, but these are at least the most famous. He obviously had some juvenile obsession with proclaiming that he is getting laid and getting laid often. I guess I would crow about it too. Well, back when I was 17 or so.

Heart Shaped Box- Nirvana

If you thought this song was about a jewelry box or something, then these lines might change your mind:

Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on angel hair and baby’s breath
Broken hymen of your highness I’m left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

Meat-eating orchid may be the best name for a vagina ever.

Obviously about a vagina, but whose? Could it be Courtney Love’s? His mother’s? Both?

Interestingly, Nirvana also had a song called Moist Vagina. However, I have learned that this song is actually about smoking a joint. Double entendres work both ways baby.

Squeezebox- The Who

Very clever. So clever that it got played on country music stations. Of course you could dismiss the song as an ode to the concertina or something. But she goes in and out and in and out and in and out… 

Cherry Bomb- The Runaways

A song about jail bait performed by jail-bait.

Cherry, of course, refers to the hymen of a virgin.

Cherry Pie, Warrant

This song is an even more infantile reference to the hymen. Warrant even thinks the song sucks and didn’t want it on the album. I’m sure they still cash the royalty checks.

Nookie- Limp Bizkit

In spite of the title and the graphic lyrics, it is the teenage boys’ lament. In essence, “ It went through all of this for this girl and she turned out to be a slut.” “I did it all for the chance at a vagina” Poor poor soul, indeed

She’s Tight- Cheap Trick

Supposedly, this girl has her “head down tight”. Umm, yeah, We all know what these words mean.

Tight abs? No.

Tight with her spending? No, nobody sings about that.

Tight because she has a very limited sexual history? Ding Ding Ding!

Custard Pie- Led Zeppelin

Any list of vagina songs would be incomplete without a song from the original “cock rockers”.

Ooh, your custard pie, yeah, sweet and nice
When you cut it, mama, save me a slice
Your custard pie, yeah
I declare, it’s sweet and nice
I like your custard pie
When you cut it, mama
Mama, please save me a slice

Sugar Walls- Sheena Easton

Written by Prince, who also has another great ode to the female anatomy with “Little Red Corvette. By he wrote this one for a female to perform and Sheena lets us know what where the sweetness is.

Blood races to your private spots,

That lets me know there’s a fire

You can’t fight passion when passion is hot
Temperatures rise inside my sugar walls

Hoochie Coochie Man- Written by Willie Dixon performed famously by Muddy Waters.

A Hoochie Coochie is by all accounts a dance done by women. Hoochie being slang for a hot-looking mama and coochie being…, well, a vagina. A hoochie coochie man is a very desirable avocation indeed.

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