Owl City, Ke$ha, and Their Threat to America

I have heard people say that any sound eliciting a deep, emotional response from the listener should be considered music.  By that criterion, my dog’s snores and Morgan Freeman’s natural speaking voice should be on my local Top 40 station.  Both would hold my attention loner than most of what is on the radio today, mainly because I find the majority of today’s music virtually unlistenable.

It’s not only the melodies and lyrics that turn me off.  To me, it is mainly the attitudes behind the songs that make me want to shove thumbtacks up my nostrils.  Most artists don’t even seem to care about the creativity of their songs.  They just want to move up the charts, collect their paychecks and bask in their fifteen minutes of fame.  With today’s technology such as Auto-Tune, this can be done with less effort than ever before.

So which “musicians” epitomize the deteriorating music landscape?  My vote would be for Owl City and Ke$ha.  Both of these “artists” have had ample air time on the radio, and therefore continue to make me lose faith in the human race.

Owl City: Elmo On LSD

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Owl City is the one-man band of Adam Young.  Young does his best to copy the Postal Service in every single one of his songs.  The result is tunes filled with bleeps, bloops and a grown man mimicking the voice of a five-year-old while belting out random, nonsensical lyrics.  Take the hit “Fireflies” for example.  Young sings about “ten-thousand hugs from lightning bugs,” “Planet Earth turning slowly” and “staying awake while asleep” (whatever that means).  The whole song sounds like something Elmo would have written while on LSD.  It just goes to show that, to Young, ” real art” means one must make no sense whatsoever.  By that standard, he has succeeded.

Ke$ha: Pretending People Actually Care That She’s a Boozer

Another wanna-be artist would be Ke$ha.  That’s right, with a dollar sign.  Having a dollar symbol in her name is just about as imaginative as any of her songs.  A typical Ke$ha track features her robotic, Auto-Tune-laced voice detailing her going to parties, getting drunk and acting like a prostitute.  Her biggest hit has been “Tik Tok,” where Ke$ha wakes up “feeling like P-Diddy,” and “not having a care in the world but plenty of beer.”  Therefore if you want your daughter to drop out of school and get wasted, buy her a Ke$ha CD for her birthday.

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Right, so there you have it, Owl City and Ke$ha: two sorry excuses for musicians and both enormous threats facing America today.  So now that this fact has been established if you will excuse me, I feel a compelling need to watch Ke$ha brush her teeth with Jack.

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