Punk 101: Class in Session

I recently watched an episode of LA Ink which features ex Miami Ink artist Kat Von D and her talented hired guns inking beautiful works of art on their lucky customers. Apparently, Kat became disenchanted with the Florida scene and the egos of her male counterparts so she wisely packed up and moved back home to Los Angeles, California to start her own tattoo parlor.

In this particular episode, a young man walked in, Jesse was his name I believe, and he wanted an outlandish, acid trippy, colorful tat on his right shoulder. He said he was a drummer for the Tattooed Millionaires. an LA based punk rock band. After the segment I decided to take a look around the interwebs for more detailed look at the band. I didn’t have to look far as most up and comers as well as mega famous acts have a MySpace page with samples of their wares. The bands page was as typical as any music page on the site with colorful graphics, tour dates, bios and blogs, but this is where the comparison ends.

The first thing I did was punch up the songs on their standalone player which featured cuts from the Armed And Hammered cd. The tunes available include, I Just Want The Drugs, Teenage Love, and Laid In The USA. When I hear “punk” I think of disenfranchised youth calling for anarchy and demanding social and economic change but it quickly dawned on me that the Tattooed Millionaires relied on the “sex, drugs and rock and roll” formula popularized by 80’s hair bands of yester-mall. I really didn’t hear anything that screamed at me to jump in my Yugo and head down to my local record store. (That’s what we called them way back when.)

My next stop was to visit their blog; by now I am searching for something, anything that would justify this band but again I was let down. The written section of the blog describes the bands exploits on the road, their lack of funds, the constant break downs in a tour bus they claim was used by Lynyrd Skynyrd in the 70’s (but as yet to be proven), and a list of drivers that would rival Spinal Tap’s drummers. They have obviously elevated themselves to rock super stardom and self importance long before their due.

Sadly, the photos of the band posing in front of their bus and onstage serve only to caricaturize themselves and the only apt description I could think of was “poser”. The uber teased heroin chic hairstyles, eyeliner, and over posed stances looked too cartoonish to be taken seriously and at one point I was even wondering if this was a spoof of a real band. The worst offender had to be the front man Johnny which made me realize that I liked him better the first time…when he was Nikki Sixx.

The only saving grace of this band is that they are doing it themselves. They have no label representation, no tour manager, and no reliable transportation. They go out and get the gigs themselves, If this band really wants to be taken seriously, they need to spend a few nights in the “less is more” camp. If not, a better name for them might be the “Also Rans”